It’s lent season now, starting today (ash wed).  Usually, people ask “what do you give up this lent season?” and in the past I had given up things that, actually, didn’t matter THAT much to me.  Throughout elementary school – high school, I always gave up the same thing: “jajan”, which in Indonesian means buying foods at the cafeteria and such (you know, during the breaks at school).  Although I loved those foods (okay, I love eating, period!), but not getting to eat during breaks didn’t really make me feel as if I was “losing” something important.

A few years ago, I gave up sweets of any kind.  That was a tougher one, b/c I have a sweet tooth (okay, more than one, actually hahaha), and of course, on the following Thursday, someone very kind had brought a big platter of cookies, brownies, you-name-it to work!  Ack!!  Me, being me, don’t wanna lose the chance (ga mau rugi banget getow..), so I grab a couple cookies (okay, maybe more than 2 hahaha) and stored them for Easter!  HA HA HA….  Then, there were times when I was really really pinning to have an ice cream (kek ngidam aja sih..), so I had to tell myself that Easter’s coming soon!

This year, instead of giving up something, I want to do something extra: I want to be more patient and I want to learn to control my anger better.  We’ll see how it goes….

The one big difference that I realized about lenting here vs in Indo is: well, we don’t eat meat here on Ash Wed, and every Friday during lent season.  I don’t think I knew about this back home… or maybe I wasn’t being as attentive as I should’ve been?  Hehe…  Anyway, funny thing is, we could eat fish.  I always consider fish as a type of meat, oh well.  So, today, when I realized that “oh my goodness, today’s Ash Wed!  I can’t go with my original plan”  Yep, original plan was:  leftover turkey soup.  Beh…. so I looked in the freezer, and thankfully, I bought a few bags of frozen fish before!  So today’s menu was: Pollock fish…. curry – Moroccan style, with potatoes, tomatoes, veggies… yum!  I think I need to stock-up on fish and shrimps again!  Haha…

And… due to the fish + Moroccan flavoring on the spices (think cardamom, cumin, turmeric, etc.), I decided to bake a batch of brownies (note to self: stock up on brownie/cookie ingredients…) to balance the smelly stuff…. hahaha….

Point is: we had a DELISH lunch!  yippee….  and tomorrow’s Thursday!  So, I’ll get to enjoy the day with my hubby!

Mama always told me to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.  And I try to do that, b/c we’re not being negative here, but we’re being sensible and careful.  That being said, however, it doesn’t mean that we can’t be excited, right?!  As a matter of fact, she actually said that both of my parents are happy for me b/c I’m following my Dad’s footsteps in terms of doing outdoor activities!  Who would’ve thought, huh? 

If I think back, just last year, I wasn’t as adventurous as I am now!  So, what’s with the change?  Hey, it’s a secret, of course!  A girl’s got to have some secrets, after all!

All excitement aside, I know I’m going to miss certain people, and I’ll also miss playing with the girls!  When I told Kiki last night that I’ll be gone for a week, she gave me an inquiring look (which I’d like to think that it’s a kinda-sad look) and asked “one week??” and then she asked where I’m going, and to do what.  I told her, just going on a trip, and that it’s far far far away (sounds like one of those fairy tales, huh?)  Haha…  Oh, but one week goes by VERY FAST!  Soon enough, I’ll be back home, and I’ll be greeted by a bunch of emails from work, that’s for sure!  It is the end of the month, after all!  *grin*

What’s very touching though, is the fact that some people at work asked me about my planned trip today!  My colleague asked if I’m ready and if I’m already in CO!  Haha….  And then another friend purposely found me at the recycling room just to wish me an awesome trip.  My “sister” called from home to wish me a fun and safe vacation….  It’s very silly of me, I know, but what can I say, they made me feel special!  And plus, I’m a simple-minded person; I feel that they care about me!  Who wouldn’t be happy about that?

Meanwhile, Papa had requested that I take pics and show them to my parents upon my return!  Hehehe….

Aaron picked me up after he got off work and when we arrived at Devil’s Lake area, it was quite cloudy with a bit of mist.  Perhaps a sunny day would be nice, but I found out that b/c it was cloudy, we could climb without feeling too hot and we didn’t have to deal with sweaty fingers!  I didn’t get to the top (but next time, I shall try harder!!!) but it was definitely an exhilarating experience!  I think, though, I need to deal with my fear of height first!  Right before I got down, I actually said out loud “I’m scared!  I don’t want to go down” yeah… hmmmm….. *rolling eyes* 

We stopped by my Aunt’s place at East Troy for supper (and a nice shower!) and then we watched a bit of Pirates movie (II) and had a slice of blueberry pie (from her favorite place: brass ball) a la mode before heading back home.

A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends, and we were talking about how we were “way back when” (man, we’re NOT that old..) and I remembered what my Mom said to me once or twice (or perhaps more than that hehe): “good thing you’re not that pretty, so you won’t have to worry about having some jerks trying to hit on you” well thanks, Mom, I love you too!  Haha…..  was that supposed to make me feel better???  Oh well.  I didn’t care much about it then, I just agreed with her.  It really didn’t matter when she said it (I was probably about 11 or 12 years old, who cares?)  but it hit me, and it hit me hard, when I was in high school.  I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want to be called “pretty” or “handsome”?  It’s so shallow, I know, but I was only 15 or 16 years old when it hit me!  And at that time, no matter how many times “wise” people said that inner beauty is more important (and they’re correct), if you don’t look good, you’re screwed. 

It took me a while to get to a point when I could finally accept the way I look (plastic surgery??? ugh…. I’d rather use the money for a trip around the world!).  I know I could never get to look like some model or something, and I probably won’t be the kind of girl that makes guys turn their heads when she walks into a room.  But I learned that health, courage, persistence, and common sense are more important in this life. 

So, yes, I do feel down sometimes, but these days I may feel down because I got bored, and not because I am scrutinizing my physical appearance.  I’ve got many things to be happy and grateful for.  Hey, I may not be pretty, but I know that I’ve got great friends, and I could take pride in saying that even though I’ve thought of giving up several times when I was in school and in college, I was able to find courage to push myself harder.  I’ll be honest and say that I’m not entirely that brave, but one way or another, we all have to find a source of our strength!  Be it our dream, our family.. just find it!  And when we do, I could guarantee (based on my personal experience) that we’ll be stronger than before.

First of, I was supposed to go see a Bon Jovi concert at Milwaukee’s summerfest.  Well that didn’t work out, b/c my friend couldn’t get the day off and I really didn’t want to go on my own.   Going to a concert alone would be okay, but driving up and parking and … oh gosh, I just didn’t want to!  Fortunately, I could sell my tickets at craiglist (THANK GOODNESS)

Then, this Saturday, I passed on a chance to hang out with my brother and his friends b/c I had to get up early on Sunday for my Highlife Adventure parasailing event.  Gosh dang it!  It was nice and sunny yesterday (Sunday), but the wind was too dangerous, so it got cancelled!  Oh, btw, the event was in WI, so I had driven all the way up for NOTHING!  Pissed me off endlessly. 

Now, for the blessings in disguise (who says that I’m all negative?  Hmmm??? Hehe…):  By not going to the concert, I got my 2 days vacation back!  Which is WONDERFUL, considering I only have half a day left now, b/c I am taking a whole week off at the end of July.  As for parasailing, I got the money back ($82), which is sweet.  I got to practice my patience, though!  I mean, I’m awful about it, and the trip home yesterday afternoon was horrible!  It was hot, and I got lost (mapquest SUX), plus for some strange reason, Rt.12 was packed!  I thought I was about to die… oh, not from exhaustion, but from all the anger building up inside!  Gosh, I’m so dramatic, aren’t I?  Hahaha….

So, is the last weekend of June all that miserable?  Actually, not really.  I had a pleasant weekend, didn’t do much, but it was pleasant.  I’m not going to dwell on regrets, b/c it’s just useless and it’ll just make me more upset.  Maybe I’ll dwell on it right before heading to the gym this afternoon *wink*

I’ve read many mangas, especially in junior high.  There was this manga-library nearby my school, so I used to stop by after school and borrowed several books, which I finished in a day.  I usually like to borrow mini-series or just independent ones, considering many mangas go until volume 40 or 30.  Could you imagine, reading all the books, and couldn’t find the last volume?  TORTURE!!!  There was this one book though, and sadly enough, I’ve forgotten the title, but there were about 17 volumes total, and the story was so funny that I’d laughed out loud while reading it.  I think most people just laughed inside, whereas I just couldn’t contain it!  Hehe…  My parents would just look at each other and said “is she losing it?”  “yep… there’s no doubt about it…” hahaha….

Here in the US, I couldn’t find any good mangas.  Most of them are either boring, or “for men only” (as in the girls are all wearing skimpy clothes), with no interesting storyline.  It’s so depressing!  So when my friend suggested that I read One Piece, I thought “hey, why not?”  Boy, am I glad I listened to him!  One Piece is great!  I’m still reading it, but so far it’s been addicting!  The main characters are pirates, but the story includes adventure, friendship, endurance, willpower, plus enough dose of humor to make me laugh out loud again, just like old times…. *giggles*

Belakangan ini lagi tergila2 nonton NCIS ama Law & Order negh.  Kalo Law & Order, maunya sih yg original aja (kok kayak iklan KFC aja sih), trus paling2 pas wiken gitu, abis jam tayangnya aneh2 aja sih!  Kadang kalo pagi2 di gym ada sih yang Cold Case gitu, yah bole juga, sekalian cuci mata soalnya Benjamin Bratt cakep banget sih!  Huahahahahaha……  Tapi, kalo udah giliran NCIS, bisa seharian nonton TV.  Kok jadi keinget masa2 SD pas film kungfu lagi menggila yah?  Kalo sekarang…. kayaknya sinetron (hellow, Tersanjung 7… lama2 sampe kesandung deh!) ya elah indonesia, mana mungkin ga ada sinetron?  Oh ama telenovela dink, sama ama orang sini yg tergila2 ngikutan soap siang2 sampe berepisode2.  Eniwei (melenceng jauh2 amat..), kalo lagi iklan kadang kan suka browsing channel laen, trus kalo kebetulan ada film bagus, wah bingung deh!  Aduh, film vs. NCIS……. WAAAAAAA….  Untungnya di TV itu kita bisa rekam.  Asyik!  Rekam film buat ditonton kapan2 pas NCIS lagi cuti, trus lanjutin nonton NCIS deh!  Wakakakakaka……  Waduh beneran deh, kalo NCIS ini, gw getol ngikutin soalnya timnya itu loh, asyik banget!  Gibbs yg mantan US Marine, yg tipe super disiplin (ya iya lo, namanya bekas Marine…), DiNozzo yg tipe playboy (tapi setia ama timnya…), McGee yg super jago kompie (tapi selalu dikerjain DiNozzo), Agent David yg kadang suka ngaco jargon English (kok jadi inget gw en komen “passed with flying flags” gw yah…), Abby yg gothic, ama Dokter Ducky yg suka ngajak ngobrol mayat2 yg musti dianalisa (ya iya lah, darian ngajak ngomong piso bedah, hayooo).    Asik loh tapi timnya itu, soalnya mereka kompak, udah kayak keluarga deh!  Untung dulu ga pernah nontonin acara gituan, kalo masih di indo, bisa2 bercita2 kayak si Abby yg forensic itu, lah lulusan IPS yah, mana bisa masuk dunia science?  Hehe…  Lucunya, temen2 di sini pada terheran2, soalnya gw kan pas kuliah sama sekali ga pernah nonton TV.  Kesian banget yah hahahahaha……  Abis, ga ada duit buat beli TV sih, jadi ya ga nonton TV lah.  Dulu kalo masih di Indo, sampe tawar menawar jam nonton per minggu ama Mama (ada silat, ada Doraemon…. waaaaa susah nih!).  Sekarang?  Yah, kalo bisa, maunya nonton NCIS ato House (walo si House ini kalo ngomong seenak jidatnya), tapi kadang2 ya nonton Spongebob ato iCarlo ato Timmy ato kartun2 laen ama anak2 deh.  Biar gitu sih seru juga, apalagi kalo si Akina udah tarik2in pipi gw biar gw pay attention ama filmnya gitu!  Ih, ngegemesin!  Gw dulu gitu juga sih ke mama…..

When I was a student, all I had to worry about is to get my homeworks done before the due date and to learn as much as possible.  Granted, the situation was VERY different back home and here, so let’s not discuss how things are back home.  I didn’t have to worry so much about keeping a job, as long as I don’t get an F (which would guarantee me being kicked out of the school and thus lost my visa and legal status here in the US), I’m good to go.  Well, that, and if I did poorly at school, my parents would decide to pull me back home.  ANYWAY, my point is, during my time as a student at ISU, it was so easy to be active and to make friends.  I met different people everyday, and I could join any organizations that I was interested in.  Plus, we got a month off in winter.  Don’t mention summer; I took summer courses and/or internships during my years at ISU (although I have no regrets in doing so). 

Nearing my graduation, I was so stressed out, b/c finding a job was very challenging.  To US citizens out there who are in the job market, I truly understand your feelings about the difficulties of finding a job, but remember this: at least you don’t need to worry about losing your legal status in the US.  I was very fortunate to receive job offers prior to my graduation, and so I graduated happily   

That being said, however, there are days (even today) when I truly miss my days at school.  Oh, I was never a partygoer, and I hardly do anything considered “crazily fun” during my 4.5 yrs at ISU, but I met so many wonderful people, and I was active in numerous things – 4.5 yrs were too short!  I found myself during my first year at ISU, I performed with other students throughout my sophomore to senior years, and I even have a second family (in Japan, no less!). 

Many friends said that I didn’t have a life, b/c I had to study a lot during the week and weekends.  If not studying, I had meetings.  I did not have the chance to lie down at the quad, soaking up the warm sun in spring and summer.  But I learned many things about other cultures, human interactions, and (more importantly) the value of friendships. 

Now, in the workforce, it’s more difficult to go to places.  Limited vacation days, no people to go with, etc.  But, now that I am earning my own money (instead of using my parents’), I could pick and choose how I want to spend my money.  I am grateful that I still have a job, and that my family won’t need to worry about my well being (although I’m sure they still do from time to time). 

At the end of the day, we all could choose to count our blessings, or complain about our misfortunes.  I choose to be happy, how about you?

Join Cove Alliance on Sept. 12^th at the Heritage Run/ Walk event sponsored by Rotary Club of Long Grove.  The proceeds of this event will benefit the Children of Uganda through Cove Alliance, a non-profit organization (www.CoveAlliance.org).  For more information, please contact Deb Konicek at 847-404-8515.

I was thinking about it last night, and I really can’t think of just one single moment that upstaged some other moments. However, if I must choose only one moment – I will choose the end of my 2nd year in high school. Sadly, I can not remember what month it was, but it must be some time in spring of 2001 (at least I got the season right) – although we only have summer in Indonesia. Well, maybe more toward “rain and heat” or… “heat and flood”?? hehe…. Anyway, at that moment, I felt tired and defeated – tired of all the expectations to get a good grade (the end justifies the means) , and defeated by the society’s standard. I did not do well in school, and it seemed to everyone that I couldn’t keep a good friend around. I thought that was it. Until I saw my brother’s name popped up on the screen. We chatted, and I told him that I was about to give up; maybe scholar life is not for me – I truly believed that I was a good-for-nothing girl and that I was doomed. How dramatic, and I was only 16!

At that time, he told me that he had faith in me. That was it – that was the one thing that I didn’t get from anyone else. And thanks to that (and fate), I was able to pull myself together. That was the moment when I promised myself to never give up. As a Chinese decent, I am blessed to be raised with traditional Chinese culture, and one thing that my parents had taught me (verbally and by example) was to keep on trying and to not give up easily. A lesson that is definitely easier said than done in some cases. I am truly blessed to have the support to stick to that lesson so far.

At the end of that year, I knew that I must go to wherever my brother was b/c when nobody else had faith in me, he was still there for me! I can’t tell for sure if he ever wonders what kind of sister he got (I am weird, after all), but no matter what, I owe a part of my courage to him. Because of that simple sentence, I made it through high school and college. Some people can’t understand why I look up so much to him, and now you know